DZ-Dirt

The truth never stands in our way.

July 8, 1999 / Volume XVIII

 This Month: This issue asks more questions than it answers.
RONALTER WINS AT PARASKI NATIONALS
Jack Ronalter, esteemed pilot, skydiver extraordinare and world class cradle robber took first place at the US National Para-ski competition held on Hunter Mountain in New York last winter. Jumping from a Bell Jet Ranger, Jack nailed a dead center and then wowed them with his skiing. "Jack was outstanding," said the organizer. "It's just too bad that so few jumpers showed up. Somebody called all the good competitors and told them the meet was canceled. Seems like Jack was the only one who didn't get the call." When asked for a comment Jack said, "Hey, winning is everything!"

SKYDIVER IS MALE PORN STAR
Skydivers come from all walks of life.That includes male porn stars. "You bet," says GIGI, roving reporter for dz. dirt. "It all started when I realized that I'd never seen a male porn video. So the next day I went to the x rated store and asked the guy at the counter, you got any videos of like, you know, guys playing drop the soap in the shower? Then while looking through a whole wall of buggery videos I saw a familiar face. His acting name is Ron Storm, but we know who he is. It's OK Ron, we still love you."

J.P. PHONE HOME
During a clandestine research project involving DNA testing and other physical evidence, it was discovered that JP. is not from this planet. "This is something that we've long suspected,"said one jumper. "The fact that he doesn't seem to age like the rest of us, or get fat and soft and saggy is just too weird. Did you ever notice the similarities between ET. and JP.? If you took ET. and made him six feet two inches tall and packed about fifty pounds of muscle on him and added a little color you'd have the spitting image of Jim Pollard. ET......JP........It all makes sense now."

MORRISON JUMPS WITH EX-PRESIDENT
Tom Morrison, who made his first jump when dirt was cheap and Christ was a corporal, added another first to his long list of accomplishments when he made a jump to demonstrate canopy control to ex-president George Bush. "We're both W.W.II vets and both the same age so they invited me to come down and jump during the president's second AFF dive." Tom got to meet the Bush clan and be on TV again. Tom has more time on TV than some anchormen. How far back does he go? Remember Leonardo Da-Vinchi's drawing of the first parachute? Tom test jumped it.

 CESSNA TAKES DUMP
The club's Cessna 185 went south recently when it developed a cracked engine. The board held an emergency meeting to find ways to pay for a new one. Said club President, Dave Burt,"We haven't ruled out organ sales. Right now we're looking for a few good kidneys."

SKYVAN SAVES DAY
Thanks to Jumprun Aviation there is a tailgate flying at United every weekend.Says Marco Castanon," If you like taking a long walk off a short tailgate,United is the place to be."

Dottie voted the girl most males would like to see on a trampoline.

Who is that guy in the little red corvette? Baby, he's much too fast. That's not the same guy who ran around naked to get his herd shirt is it? Better watch it, Jutt. You know what they say about guys with flashy cars.

What's bigger than Bill O'keef's Ego?......... Maybe Montana???

Apparently one shaved head wasn't enough for Brian..(don't ask).

NOTE TO EDDIE W.
Be on the lookout for Dan Brady. He's probably organizing a big dive somewhere ............. We miss you, man.


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