DZ-Dirt

The truth never stands in our way.

January 24, 1999 / Volume XVII

 This Month: Read back issues of DzDIRT on United's web page.
DAVE BURT  BUMPS DILEA
In a stunning upset, Painless Dave Burt bumped Slick Cliff Dilea from the top office of United Parachute club. Tom Davis became Vice President before he realized what had happened and Danny (tightwad) DelSordo was a shoo in as treasurer.   In his acceptance speech Dave Burt said, "I want to build a bridge to carry United into the next century. I want to make this parachute club stronger and better, but most of all I want to be able to come here and skydive
without people chewing my ear off about a bunch of dumb shit. So
If you have any complaints see the Vice President. But don't worry. You can trust me. I'd tell you anything before I'd tell you a lie."

XMAS PARTY CAUSES INJURIES
United's Christmas party was the scene of several alcohol related injuries Gigi Malinchak broke her thumb and several others suffered bruised buns after slipping on a beer covered dance floor. One observer blamed someone named "rat dog" for dancing with a full cup of beer in his back pocket. Others
doubted that there was ever such a person and if there was, why
would anyone admit to having a name like that? 

Said Gigi "You can tell how great a party  was by the size of your cast......

 KLINE GANG FREED AFTER WEST COAST 7-11 ROBBERY
Dave Kline and several other
United jumpers found some extra excitement on their jumping
excursion to SanDiego. While drinking beer on the beach one
night their evening was interrupted by the whupping of a police
helicopter overhead. "I knew it was against the law to drink on the beach and I thought, boy , they take this pretty seriously." Said Dave. Then came the squad cars, guns, dogs handcuffs and a scary ride to be identified or not by the owner of a 7-11 that had just been robbed. "I thought I was scared, "said Dave. "But Brian had to change his underwear."

DNA SPELLS THE   END FOR DILEA
Slick Cliff Dilea, who by all accounts was an honest, hard working club president ultimately lost his office because of a high sperm count. Said one club member, "His administration couldn't shake the scandal. Once his DNA showed up on that student jumpsuit he was finished. Imagine, a club president fooling around with a student? Why, it's totally unheard of." The student, Monica Wet Thong said, "I should have burned that darn student jumpsuit. He's such a wonderful guy. It's just that he gave me more than I could ever swallow."

 MARS  BOOGIE
If you thought the south pole boogie was the most fun that didn't ever happen you'll love the Mars
Boogie. Just send an E-mail to Bob Christ requesting more info
and you will be inundated with data. You'll get a detailed list
of expenses  with a total cost of     1.5 million per jumper, not including transportation and enough oxygen for two weeks. "It'll be the most fun you never had", says Bob. "Poor Bob plans things that never happen," says his fiancee Karen Dysert. "Bob has promised to marry me when we jump at the north pole."  A good friend said, "Sure Karen, just don't hold your  breath, okay?".......

SINCE LAST DIRT
The Hadfields became parents.    Ron Jancewicz had a date with a
real girl. No inflation necessary.     Nate got busted up in a hot landing with a postage stamp canopy. 

A group of local jumpers purchased a skyvan. The tailgate aircraft will be arriving at United this spring.

A gaggle of gorgeous jumper gals has formed an intriguing sub-culture known as Swamp
Sisters. Over the last few years they have gone places and done
things that other women only dream of. Latest plans include the
seven babes being escorted to a prom by JP in a tuxedo without a
shirt.....We need a picture of that.....

Debbie Penrod has found something better than chocolate
covered strawberries.


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