DZ-Dirt

September 1, 1998 / Volume XVI

Squirrel Delivers Stealth Porter
Making good on his offer at the last club meeting, Squirrel delivered a Pilatus Porter for United Skydiving. Said one club member, "I have to admit that when he told us about the plane and the good deal he was going to give us, well, I thought it sounded too good to be true. Now I'm a believer." As Squirrel explains it the only problem is that the porter is an ex-military plane with state of the art stealth technology. We know it's somewhere on the dz, but no one can find it.

Herd Day Miracle
In what was the second Herd Day this year herd members were out for a hot day of skydiving and merry making. Appearing to be in peak form was ex-prez Walt Schneider,who made several hot sequential dives from the porter. His striking brown hair was a stark contrast to the gray of last year. "It was a miracle,"said Walt. The color changed over night. It happened during a religious pilgrimage to the shrine of Our Lady of Clairol."

United Jumpers Visit Laurel DZ
More than twenty United jumpers visited the Laurel Delaware for a weekend this summer. The group organized by Ken (Chickenman) Bangham and his nubile young wife Teresa, kept a King Air flying all day Saturday and Sunday. The dives were great and the weather was beautiful. The pilot spotted so the exit point was always perfect. Saturday night there was a huge crab feast, drinking and nude swimming. The next day some found crabs in their underwear. Others couldn't find their underwear. "It was all very innocent, family oriented fun," said Fiona to the Policeman.

Bizarre Bailey Bid
In what had to be a bizarre event, even by Mike Bailey standards, our hedonistic hero proposed marriage while in the King Air on the way to altitude in Laurel Del. The scene became bizarre when Mike handed the ring to Carolyn (soon to be Bailey) by reaching across and almost crushing Patti (no longer Bailey) . Guess you had to be there.

Record Attempt Slated For Top Couch Speed
During the Herd boogie this year an attempt will be made to set the new land couch speed record. The record so far is around 40 mph. This time couch surfers are hoping to break the 50 mph mark. Couch surfing was invented last year by a bunch of United skydivers who obviously had nothing better to do. It involves a couch a rope and a truck. According to one coucher, "We have a really good couch this time. It's very solid and the skis will probably stay on. If we have a fast course I see no reason why we can't set a record." Someone suggested that the FAA be invited to judge,but that didn't seem like such a good idea."

How Bobbie Got It To work
"I just shook it a little, patted it and then blew on it for a while." Are you sure that was the copy machine Bobbie? Al Kanetsky presented Bobbie with a new tube of chapstick in case she needs to fix anything else.