DZ-Dirt

April 11, 1998 / Volume XIV

This Month: If this one doesn't get us into trouble we'll try harder.

BURT GETS BIG NUTS AWARD
Dave Burt, United's Vice President, AFF Jumpmaster and cutaway artist, received the club's "Big Nuts" award at the club meeting March 21st. During a POPS record attempt in California Dave was unable to jettison a malfunctioning main and did an excellent job as mediator in the battle between a partially opened reserve and main gone mad. Dave was speechless, at the honor. Later he said "What am I going to do with this piece of junk?"

WAIGHT GAINS REPUTATION AS LOOSE CANNON
After punching out a guy at a local gas station over an argument at the pumps, Dave Waight assured his status as United's loose cannon by pummeling a jumper for telling a Rush Limbaugh joke. "It wasn't even a good joke," said the affable, but big mouthed victim Joe Penderak. Jumpers are advised to avoid talking politics with Dave. Also, never say the word "Niagara" around him. It drives him over the edge.

NEW JUMPERS LOG MEGA-DIVES
Jumpers Doug and Dave Miller and their freestylist father Walt, logged mega dives on their trip to Lake Wales, Florida this spring, averaging 30 to 45 jumps each. Also on the excursion was Debbie the spinning lawyer, who learned how to stop spinning and how to land on the side ofabuilding.

BABY BUG STRIKES
Due to a rash of pregnancies this year all single jumpers are advised to exercise extreme caution. Note: An AAD will not help you in this instance. Happy that the stork will be swooping in on them this year are the Hadfields, Matrones and Burts. And the year is young. Joe Penderak is not pregnant. He just looks that way.

DOWNHILL FAST
Last year Mark Nedu hurt his hand fighting a man over a pretty woman. This year he hurt his hand fighting a dog over a piece of food.But even those who rooted for the dog were impressed that Mark is buying new student jump suits with the money he made in the fifty-fifty raffle. Way to go Mark!

BUSS BOASTS BIG BLASTS
Jeff Buss, rocket scientist, attended an engine building school this year and has promised an exciting season of sunset thrills at United. "You ain't seen nothin yet," said Jeff, who is really smart but has very poor grammer.

POP QUIZ
What west coast blond buxom base rated babe has offered to bare her boobs for a slot in the hundred way?

What ex-club president went to a boogie in Florida with a reserve out of date and penciled the packing card in exactly as it was on the line above, including the out of date date? Then, confronted about it at gear check said,"It can't be out of date. I just wrote it in there."

THIS DATE IN HISTORY
April, 1919. Tom Morrison makes his first jump. Somehow, he survives. Parachutes haven't been invented yet. BEST AND WORST Best boogie video ever.... 91 Herd Boogie.Scott Torres. Worst dinner.. Herd pigroast The guts were left in pig. They ate hotdogs that night.