DZ-Dirt

The truth never stands in our way.

August 26, 1997 / Volume XI

This Month: The sixth annual last Herd Boogie.

AIRPORT NOT FOR SALE
Reliable sources have been reassuring jumpers that in spite of the for sale signs on the property, the airport is not for sale. "This is a very complicated issue", said one source. "It has to do with taxes and real estate assessments and politics. Don't worry about it. Just because you see smoke, that doesn't mean there's fire, does it? Okay, so maybe that's a bad example. What I mean is that things aren't always the way they seem. Though quite often they are, but this time they aren't. Is that clear? Don't you feel better?"

PIG ROAST DRAWS CROWD
Old Herd members were out in force for this years pig roast. Rust rained down upon the dz as old timers aired out their musty wings and did a very impressive job of it. Several large dives were completed to the surprise of the participants. The highlight of the day was when Bill Sweeny went low on a dive and in a selfless act of sacrifice, burned his jumpsuit to a crisp. When asked why he burned his jumpsuit Bill replied, "I couldn't find any virgins to sacrifice."

RIGHT STATE WRONG STADIUM
When Michelle Hassing descended into the stadium for a demo near Allentown, she began to wonder about the lack of an audience. It wasn't that it was a small crowd. The fact was that all the spectators at her demo could fit into a telephone booth and still have room to dance. Then the truth set in. It was the wrong stadium. According to Ken Bangham, who asks to remain anonymous, "I hate to say it, but Patti Bailey was spotting and, well, you know Patti and Michelle are both blondes. I think it was a case of "the blonde leading the blonde".

PARA-WATER SKI JUMPERS BRAVE UNFRIENDLY SKY
The wind gods at this year's para-waterski meet were not happy. First they pounded M.J. into the ground so hard that her shoes flew off. Then they thumped Dave Burt into a throbbing heap of dented and demented dentist. Bridge jumps were canceled due to shallow water.

BEDTIME STORIES SELLS OUT AT QUINCY
Crazed crowds of prose hungry jumpers bought every copy of the book and screamed for more. (shameless ad)

THE REAL WORLD
In an effort to help us all know each other better, dz dirt is publishing the real life occupations of some well known jumpers.

Dave Kline- Works as a jack- booted thug for the FBI.

Cliff Dilea- Chippendale, Male exotic dancer. Alias "huge Cliff"

Mike McNamara- Professional hub cap dealer, owner of "Mike's Hubcap Barn".

Psycho Joe-Investment broker for H R Shwabb. "I try to impress my clients with the importance of having a diversified portfolio."

Sue Sweetman-Teaches proper etiquette in a girls finishing school.

Mike Bailey- Studying to be a Jesuit priest.

NOTICE TO ALL FEMALE STUDENTS
If you can't find your keys at the end of the day and are about to agree to staying overnight. First check in Mark Nedu's refrigerator. Your keys will be behind the bottle of wine.

MEETING CANCELED
The meeting of the support group for those not invited to Mike Martins birthday party has been canceled to prepare for the meeting of the support group for those not invited to Mike Martin's wedding.


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