DZ-Dirt

June 20, 1996 / Volume VII
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This Month: DZDIRT...A festering sore on the seamy underbelly of United Parachute Club.

BABY BOOM HITS THE DROPZONE
In yet another instance of what appears to be an epidemic of pregnancy, Don Spatola and his wife Diane announced their joyful plunge into the murky waters of parenthood. This is in addition to Steve and Michelle Pasquarello, who are doing an encore,while the Burts and Matrones await their first. Said one dz observer, " They're making skydivers of the future. We can only hope that all the newborns won't look just like Frank Sylvester.

BANGHAMS SEE DAYLIGHT
Mr and Mrs Ken Bangham emerged from their love cave recently to replenish supplies and recharge their solar batteries. Then, seeing their shadows, they retracted once again, to explore the labyrinths of the heart in search of the cool, deep pools of nirvana.

SKYVAN BOOKED
Billy Richards, the Donald Trump of jumpships announced recently that he has obtained a sky van. This legendary aircraft has been added to the Herd Boogie flight line for Labor day weekend.

SUSPICION
Was Mike McNamara unselfishly cutting grass on the tractor for 8 hours. Or was he unscrupulously using club equipment to get his commercial tractor rating?

4NICATORS TRAIN FOR NATIONALS
The four nicators a home grown four way team is training hard to make a good showing at the nationals this year at Blue Sky Ranch. The team is made up of Joe (so cool he wears penny loafers) Hadfield, Mike(don't call me moron) Martin, Dennis ( the Italian stallion) Dellacroce and Cliff (don't call me doctor) Dilea. They train with video man Ed (don't call me shorty)Weishew who sometimes shoots from unique angles, like standing on top of the 4 way.

PARA-WATER SKI BRIDGEJUMPS
According to Cyndi (don't call me Lynn) Rice, this years para-waterski meet promises to be another fun filled fest. In addition to parachute jumps into a cornfield and water skiing in a river, there will be jumps off a real bridge. Said one veteran bridge jumper, "You know how the West Virginia bridge is so high that the people look like water bugs? Well, this bridge is so low the water bugs look like people." The event will be held at the Reading Boat Works on July 27 and all are invited.

QUOTES
"Dam J P !! Your wrist looks ugly" - Danny (one thumb) DelSordo

QUIZ
What single white female is making a skydiver of the future?

BAILEY RUNS AFF
Mike Bailey is running a special AFF course for selected female students. "You try to treat all students the same, "says Mike. But every once in a while one comes along who makes it really hard. Your head swells with pride and you stiffen your resolve to penetrate the barrier between teacher and student." He's that kind of guy, "said a friend. "Selfless and dedicated. Once he gets a whiff of success he trails it like a hound. "

DEVIL BUS MOVES
In what some say was a para-normal event, the burned out devil bus moved by itself to a spot closer to the Tiki bar. A local psychic said, "Obviously the bus is very angry about being burned and abandoned. I think it's out to take revenge on its owner." Some say that late at night when the wind howls through the burned out shell they can hear it calling, "Squirrel........ Squirrel......"

MOTHER TERESA'S CORNER
Remember boys and girls, we must always tell the truth. Okay, so maybe you told a fib and said you had that grip on the dive. That isn't so bad. But if you fuck up big time and do something stupid don't make up stories and blame others. Especially, stupid outrageous stories which will make you look like an idiot in addition to being an asshole. Now go in peace my children.. And play nice together........