DZ-Dirt

February 27, 1996 / Volume VI

This Month: If winter sucks can spring be far behind?

MANIFESTOR REVEALS HER HIDDEN ASSETS
"Head" manifestor, Donna Mourar stunned observers at United's Christmas Party when she arrived exhibiting substantial cleavage. Said club President Dan DelSordo "This is just another example of United's hidden assets."

VICE-PRESIDENT UPDATE.... SCHATZ.... OUT DILEA.... IN
In what could only be termed a euphoric wave of management house cleaning at the December meeting, club members booted out Larry Schatz and chose Cliff Dilea for Vice President. When asked about his plans for the office Cliff said, "Larry Schatz didn't do a damn thing and I plan on following in his footsteps.".

WHALE DRIVES
Janet Kelly Lundquist reports that Whale is in the process of recovering from his canopy collision. Says Janet," He drove my rental car in Arizona. Well, I was drunk and he was only physically impaired."

CLUB PILOT DEMONSTRATES POWER DIVING
Club pilot, Matt Phendler put 35E into an impressive nose dive early in the winter. What made it especially impressive was that the airplane was still on the ground. No one was hurt, but the ends of the prop looked like Dorito Chips.

RAMBO DOZES AMID FLAILING BREASTS
John Rambo, macho pilot and skydiver put his sexual inclination under suspicion recently when he fell asleep at a "titty bar". Despite being brutally bludgeoned by the bulky breasts of a bimbo Rambo failed to budge.

BURT PLANTS SEED.....WATCHES IT GROW
No one can accuse Dave Burt of shooting blanks. He and his lovely wife Lorie are expecting to make it a three way in the freefall of life. "I know exactly when it happened," said Dave. "Because I'm pretty sure I was there. My timing was perfect. Delivery should be right after Quincy and before the Herd Boogie"

FIRE DESTROYS DEVIL BUS
Firemen were called to the DZ recently when "the bus from hell" was found in flames. It was said to be an obvious case of arson and the owner could not be found. His address and phone number were suspiciously missing from manifest. Bets are now being taken as to who will end up paying to have the wreck removed from the dz. Said one observer "This bus has been a shelter to mindless morons and drunken buffoons. Where will they go now?"

MOTHER TERESA'S CORNER
I know you children have been cooped up all winter and that can cause one to become rather rambunctious when the weather gets nice. Just remember these rules. Treat everyone with respect. Always do a gear check. Open at a safe altitude. Don't do naughty hook turns And never put anything into your mouth that you would not kiss first. Now go in peace my children. And you skydive your buns off..