DZ-Dirt

September 24, 1995 / Volume V

This Month: Sinking to new depths of depravity

BOOGIE A BLAST! SKYDIVES MADE
The 21st annual Herd Boogie was a big success. The aircraft were there, the jumpers showed up and the weather was beautiful. Said one expert observer, "Any time you get that volatile combination skydives are bound to happen. We came, we sky- dived, we partied and we left broke, burned out and happy".

TECHNO-TITS TAKE 2nd IN WET T SHIRT CONTEST
Held outside the Tiki Bar on Saturday night, the wet T shirt contest showed a bit more class this year. Five contestants quickly narrowed down to two. One was an obvious ringer with breasts that were technological wonders. At first it looked like it would go her way. Then the other contestant jumped on the stage and yelled, "I'm real and she's not!' The judges sided with mother nature..

QUINCY NOTES
100 way jewel loses sparkle when Joe Marcario goes low. Mike Martin makes out as local women swoop on him.

QUOTE OF THE MONTH
"That's snatch the grip. Not grip the snatch." Said to Ken Bangham after he accidentally (sure, Ken) groped a female skydiver in freefall.

HADFIELDS WED - PRIEST BLESSES CONDOM MACHINE
Sealing their marriage with a kiss and a cheer from theirfriends, Krista and Joe became the Hadfields. Later they were presented with the customary condom machine and somebody talked the priest into blessing it. "They told me it was a holy water dispenser," he said. A great time was had at the reception and Krista sparkled with honeymoon anticipation, saying "At last I get to find out if it's true what they say about tall guys."

FORMATION FLOATS SKYDIVERS SHAMED
Seventeen skydivers landed after an 18 way gone bad and apologized to JC Dave. Also known by his Indian name "Man with white dog", Dave said "They'll all have to wear weight vests if they want to jump with me again. I was the only one in the right place. The rest of the formation was floating about 20 feet above me and to the right. I think they all owe beer."

BOOGIE BLUES
J.P. tore a muscle on exit P.K. broke an ankle and unsatisfied with that break, re-broke it at home on the steps. Dave Burt lost his voice screaming at the wet T contest . Sue Sweetman, out with an injury, spent the weekend with beer in hand by the run way yelling insults at everyone.

CHICKEN COSTUME PUSHES BANGHAM OVER THE EDGE
Well known for his chicken costume demo every year, Ken Bangham appears to have developed some sort of bizarre bird behavior. His wife Teresa said, "After that last chicken demo he refused to get out of his bird suit for five days. He just kept scratching the floor with his feet and flapping his wings. I don't mind him building nests in our bed. But he wakes me up at five every morning with his crowing."

NEWELL WEDS WOMEN WEEP
Sobs went out across the drop zone as Rich Newell tied the knot. For some reason women find him appealing, though most men think he's rather ugly. When asked for his philosophy on love Rich said, "I think women are nice, but I still love my dog the best.".

CLUB NIXES MOTHER TERESA
At the last meeting of United Parachute Club Mother Teresa fell short in her bid to become a club member. "She just doesn't have enough dedication,"said one member..

MOTHER TERESA'S CORNER
."Club-Schmub, one should not do things to get into the club. One should do things to help the club, because the club makes it all happen. Now go in peace my children. And play nice..