DZ-Dirt

April 2, 1997 / Volume IX

This Month: The annual "winter sucks" issue

BAILEY SCREWS EVERYBODY
Mike Bailey, insatiable buck in a constant state of rut, achieved his finest coo when he managed to screw everyone at United...at the same time. "My butt's a little sore," said Dan DelSordo after taking over the job of club treasurer from Bailey and discovering a box full of unpaid bills and unopened letters. "It's really not his fault," said an anonymous caller in Bailey's defense. "His intentions were good, but somewhere along the way he caught a whiff of something and off he went with his tail in the air. I think he'd be a fine treasurer when he gets through this male menopause thing. Someone suggested castration but that may be a bit drastic."

WINTER CONTEST
Results are still out on the contest between Rich Hall And Psycho Joe as to who will jump the most winter days. Psycho was trailing by one jump, but fixed that one day when everyone else was grounded without a plane. Winsor stopped by with his airplane and Psycho talked his way into a jump. Some say he had to consent to baby sitting a few ferrets.

CLUB SELLS 22 UNIFORM
Citing financial problems as the main reason, upc sold 22 uniform to a buyer in new England. "Many of us were sad to see it go," said one nostalgic old timer. That airplane is older than most of the people jumping today. It gave us consistent, reliable service for a long time. Few people know this, but Larry Schatz was born in that airplane. That's back when dinosaurs roamed the drop zone."

PARA-SKI DRAWS 40
United's annual Para-ski meet was held at Doe Mountain last winter. Forty jumpers registered to leap from a Bell Jet Ranger and ski the slopes. "It was extremely cold," said Dave Burt, meet organizer. Mike McNamara took first place. He was one of only three jumpers to complete both jumps." McNamara is doing fine and should be completely defrosted by May, or June.

QUOTE
"Bailey babes usually have trouble with their landings. It's due to a depth perception thing. They've been taught that 2 inches is 8 inches."

DO DO HITS THE FAN
Protesting the sale of 22 u as unauthorized and ill advised several alumni club members threatened action. Said one, "We may even come to a club meeting."

MARCARIO GETS RING IN NOSE
Joe marcario will be seen less around the dz this year. His future wife has installed a ring in his nose attached to a short leash. Says Joe,"She said I can jump two or three days this summer. But if it rains I'm out of luck."

MOTHER TERESA'S CORNER
Remember children, we elect our club officers to make the hard decisions. You don't have to agree with everything they do, but give them your support. Forgive my French when I say it's a thankless fucking job. To the management team I just want to remind them of the first commandment. Thou shalt never leave jumpers stranded on the ground in good weather. If the plane breaks get on the phone and find another one, the same thing goes for missing pilots. Excuses are like assholes. Everybody has one.