DZ-Dirt

July 30, 1995 / Volume IV

This Month: In this issue: Beastiality, Alternate lifestyles, joy, despair and other stuff

GUY WRIGHT TO ORGANIZE ALL GAY RECORD
"We're not asking anybody to come out of the closet," says Guy. "But if you like interior decorating and old Judy Garland movies, come on out and make a skydive." When questioned about his own preferences, Guy replied, "I'm a very liberal guy. I once dated a sheep for three months, but I had to end it because her hooves were ruining my upholstery."

VOLUNTEERS SOUGHT FOR OSMOSIS STUDY
According to a theory being circulated on the internet, the body absorbs oxygen through osmosis in addition to normal breathing. Supposedly, bodies in freefall absorb large quantities of oxygen which clear the head and make one feel giddy. A local group of scientific minded jumpers is looking for female volunteers to test the theory . They will be asked to stand up in a convertible going 100 mph, remove their clothing and record their feelings. Several jumpers have volunteered to video and already report feeling giddy, just thinking about it..

VOLLEY BALL SCORES DRUNKEN BUFFOONS 21 MINDLESS MORONS 19

RAMBO RIDS NEW JERSEY OF BIG AIRCRAFT GLUT
John Rambo, being true to his name, put a pushy aircraft in its place when it parked on the tarmac without his permission. "I showed him this airport wasn't big enough for both of us." said Rambo. The Porter that John was taxiing and the other aircraft sustained minor damage. This took place in New Jersey, a small state east of Pennsylvania.

SHELLY WINS DEAD SPIDER AWARD
When the "Cliff Divers" reviewed the video from a dive in the recent 20 way competition they thought they saw the space shuttle taking off in the backround. But it wasn't the shuttle it was Shelly soaring upward at nosebleed velocity to make up for an early exit. Shelly was given the Dead Spider award for her amazing feat. And speaking of feet. When asked how she does such a great dead spider she said, "It's the same position I use when I'm painting my toenails."

LOST AT 13,000 FEET
Larry to Cliff, peering through a hole in the clouds. "We just crossed over route 100.' Cliff to Larry, "Is that good or bad?"

WORTHINGTON MAKES JUMP BREAKS ANKLE GETS DIVORCE
John Worthington, club pilot made just one parachute jump and found his whole life changed. Said John, "One minute I was living a normal existence and the next I was walking around in a cast looking for someplace to live. What a great sport !"

KATIE KO'S KANETSKY
Katie Maynard United's youngest manifestor floored Al Kanetsky, United's most macho jumpmaster recently when the later said some less than flattering things about the female sex. " I know it's hard to imagine Al talking like that," said a witness. " But he pushed Katie a little too far." Said Al, "She hit me so hard I thought I was back in Catholic School".

JUMPERS VISIT BORA BORA
Mike McNamara, his wife Ginny , along with Fuzz, Gigi and a few others trekked 8,000 miles to the remote island of Bora Bora in the Pacific. In addition to the good times they had a close call when a native chief scrutinized them, searching for a virgin to throw into a volcano. They said there were no virgins in the group but if he paid the plane fare maybe they could get Rob Lovatt to fly out..